The other night I was talking to a friend on the phone and I hung up feeling like maybe we do have normal kids after all instead of feeling like we are extra struggling over here.
I often feel like "everyone else" has "regular" kids and I was given an extraordinary challenge. I thought I was the only one who was trying to figure out how in the world you are supposed to get kid "A" to time out and stay there while trying to care for kid "B" that was just hurt by kid "A".
I thought time out worked for everyone elses kids, why don't they work for my mine, I figured I must be doing them wrong...but what in the world do you instead. Time out is good for cooling off (sometimes), but it sure doesn't work for teaching rules over here. If it did we wouldn't still be saying "Don't touch the TV".
Once I decided to try something new and take a car away from Corbin every time he said The S Words, yes I mean {cover your kids ears} Stupid and Shut Up. But he didn't like the idea of his cars being split up in their "time out". So he got his car case and one by one said The S Word and then handed me a car "there you go mom". Once all his cars were back together he was content, even though he didn't get them back for days. Okay.... so he didn't quite get it.
I'm sure that on hard days I will still be feeling pretty alone. It takes a lot of energy to be consistent with your kids corrections/discipline. And when your tired it doesn't really matter if you know other moms have hard days too, all I care about is "when will this day end". But it is nice, when I'm feeling rational to know that all us moms have challenges.
I do know that as moms we are entitled to revelation about our children, and I know that I have been blessed in many ways to know what my kids need. But it can't all come at once, right, there is just too much for us to figure out. So I just keep praying and little by little I know that inspiration and comfort will come to help me. And I know that sometimes it can even be a phone call with a friend that makes me feel less alone.
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17 comments:
I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way!!! You are definitely not alone! Time outs don't seem to work for my kids either. We have to take things away and even sometimes (gasp) spank them.
i guess all kids are different, i watched my nephew all day Wednesday and he never even cried or got upset all day. that was a change for me. we all just need to appreciate what we have and who we have as children and be thankful for them! thanks for the post, it helps knowing your not alone!
I just want to give you a hug, and say that it will get better...but it probably won't. The struggles will change and the methods will change, but I suspect this is a lifetime struggle. However, the pluses must at some point outweigh the minuses...that's my theory anyway. Hang in there Shannon! Love you!!
You are so not alone...I think the worst part for me is I don't get together with friends very much anymore so there aren't too many occassions when I think my life must be like everyone else's. Maybe we should start something??
Amen to that! I think many of the answers to my prayers regarding my childrens' less than appropriate behavior and what to do about it has come through a friend who has been there done that. It's comforting to know you're not the only one and you're not a failure.
AND most importantly, it IS all about consistancy. Unfortunately, that's the hardest part. I know with one of my kids, it means like a 1/2 year of consistancy before they get it. I think most parents give up first. Hang in there!!
So loved talking to you the other night. Yeah all kids just have their own way about them. Love the advice about the sleeping. Totally given that one out to sooooo many friends who are struggling with getting their kids to sleep.
I want to know who time does work for. Spanking doesn't work for us either! A naughty room sometimes works for us. Right now it's our laundry room. Someday our kids spouses are going to ask us why our kids hate going in laundry rooms so much ;)
You know...I thought that as time went on, he (kid A) would do a little bit of growing up and it wouldn't be so difficult for him to learn rules--but, it just comes in a different form. First you teach him not to pee on the floor, then not to touch the TV, then to not cheat on tests, then to not make fun of others, then not to look at "bad" sites on the internet. It will never stop. My mom still teaches me--she probably thinks I'll never learn either. Your Kid A will learn what you've taught him this week and then it's on to something else. You're a good mom, Shannon...take comfort in that. Love you.
Rebecca, for sure we should get together more.
Tammy, you're right, he has stopped peeing on the floor and he doesn't cross the street without us. One small victory at a time huh.
Lori, is that how you got the pic of Micah asleep on the laundry...was he in the naughty room?
Okay so I KNOW I am not the one to offer advice, but I just can't help myself. All children are different and time-outs don't work for all of them the same way. Willow-timeout didn't work, she gets (gasp) spanked. Poppy rarely needs more than a firm lecture or raised voice, Phoenix-you could spank till the cows came home and nothin'-but a timeout away from the action like agony for the poor kid. Lily well she's still spoiled and in the honeymoon stage. Sometimes she has to sit in her crib when she can't be controlled or when she tries to teeth on her siblings. Maybe try the time-out in a different place or a different kind of time-out. If you are adverse to spanking then maybe withold other things desserts, favorite snacks. Food motivates me... sad but true.
So here's the synopsis: all kids- naughty sometimes, all moms-missing chunks of hair. If you want to feel a little better read my friend Amy's latest post http://schofield6.blogspot.com/2009/01/my-afternoon.html
I tried to put a cute little link in there but it didn't work. If you go to my blog her link is called Schofield Family. The post you want to see is called "my afternoon".
First of all sorry about the invite as you can see I've been out of the blogging world lately. I'm back and just catching up. So as I just had the worst melt down today with my 2 year old. I keeping thinking about what a friend said: These are not our children they are Heavenly Father's and he has let us be their mommy. So we all need those deep breaths as mommies and have to remember how cute they are when they are not screaming at you:)
Wow! You sure got a lot of support on this issue. Isn't amazing how no one's life is as simple as it looks to an outsider and how alike we all really are?
I sure love your two busy boys.
You are a wonderful mother. I appreciate the way you are so open to parenting ideas. You are amazing.
Can't wait to see you all.
Oh yes. I feel very open to parenting suggestions. I remember you saying that you only get in trouble as a parent when you run out of ideas. So keep the ideas come'n.
I am sure that all moms and grandmoms too have many of those same feelings. Too bad that kids don't come with instruction manuals.
The good thing is.... they usually grow up to be great people... I know mine did... and I am sure that yours will too.
Love, Lura
Ok, first of all, I think that is really funny that he didn't want his car to be in time out all alone. Kinda precious, actually!
Time outs have a different name at our house. We call it the "Happy Spot" It started because I just couldn't handle yet another tantrum. I simply walked Lauren over to the couch and said, "when you are ready to be happy, you may come back to me." She did. About 5-10 minutes later she came back happy and ready to talk. So far, it has worked for Brooke too. In fact, just last night, I was walking Brooke to her room for teasing Lauren and she was cryng "I appy, mommy, I appy!" (She gets it!) I still put her in her room where she read a few books and came down about 10 minutes later, happy and ready to say sorry. I think what makes it so successful is that THEY get to choose when they are done. It's not so much about punishment as it is about redirecting the 'bad behavior' and allowing them a 'cool down' period.
...Now if I can just get that Brooke to actually EAT HER VEGGIES!!! (The Happy Spot DOES NOT work for that yet!)
...and you are not alone in your parenting. (I have "RRRR" days more often than I like to admit!) But, I love your strong faith and dedication to your little boys. It really is inspiring to me. (And think of how much faith Heavenly Father has in YOU to take care of one of HIS SPECIAL SPIRITS!?!?!) You are such a good mom!
I love the car story!! It's good to know what joys I have in store!
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