I have wanted to write about our Adoption Homestudy Visit this week...but it's really hard for me to put into words how frustrating the adoption process can be and at the same time express how much we love it.
We love that we have two of the cutest boys we could have ever dreamed of. We love them. They are ours and we feel so grateful to our Heavenly Father for helping to guide their birthparents (who we love) to find us. To help them make the difficult {understatement} decision to place their babies with us.
But it is hard feeling like another child is so out of our hands. Right now it is in the hands of an agency that looses our paperwork and doesn't remember the things they have told us. In the hands of a {new,young} case worker who will only be in the office a couple days this month, so there is no way she can do anything to get our profile on line until October. October!
But we are glad that the Church has this agency. We love that the birthparents get to chose who their baby will go to, not just to who ever is next on the list. I love that when Corbin was born our case worker said a prayer in his office before putting our profile in the binder that his parents would be choosing from. I'm thankful for that.
I know that this really is all in Heavenly Fathers hands. I know that He knew our paperwork would be misplaced a dozen times, even after we had been told it was all in.
But this time is stirring up all the feelings that infertility {I hate that word} brings with it. It's just like wondering each month it the test will be positive. Only this time it's wondering if our phone call will finally be returned, did they get our last set of paperwork....."No, sorry" or "Oh we just realized we don't have -----"; So we try again next month.
For couples who have already gone through years of this disappointment it just seems like paperwork should be the easy part. And I hate feeling like I'm complaining about paperwork while there are girls, women, out there trying to decided to keep or place their babies. I know it doesn't compare, this is really not hard.
So we are going to the temple tonight. I just need to feel that peace. I need to feel closer to my Heavenly Father. I need His comfort, to know He is with us through this. I want to pray for the birthparents of our next little baby. {Who ever they are, when ever they are} I want them to feel his love and strength. I'm sure we both need it.
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13 comments:
Oh Shannon, that brought tears! You have the RIGHT perspective... just endure... :) The right things will happen for you and your family!
It is through these times that makes it hard to remember that "in the end" it'll all work out the way it's 'supposed' to. Everytime I am going through a trying time, I think, 'why me? why now? why this?' It isn't till it's all said and done that I realize it was ALL for a reason, for growth, for good. Everything always 'falls into place' exactly when and where it's supposed to. I know my comments are so very cliche, but that is what I have learned over the years myself.
That said, I admire your strength. I respect your mothering. I applaud your patience. I commend your perspective. Hang in there. May you get the peace and comfort you desire at the temple tonight. We'll send a few prayers your way...and a few to the next set of birthparents too. :)
Shannon, sorry that you have to go through all of this stress but you guys know in the end when you hold your little baby "GIRL" in your arms it will all be worth it. The temple is a great place to be and I know things will work out for you guys!
That is really so frustrating that they aren't more on the ball. While we act in our everyday professions, it is easy to forget that people's emotions/lives/
fear/etc. are in the balance. Even as a dentist, I sometimes do not use the compassion and wisdom that I should always exhibit towards my patients. Extractions are not a big deal to me, but my patient could have been up all night worrying about it. Anyways, blah blah. I think the caseworker needs to step back and realize just how important the simple things about your adoption case are.
Hopefully it will be SOON!!!
I've sat here for a while trying to think of just the right thing to say... pause... I don't know the right thing to say. It's unfair and it stinks. To want something so much, that is a righteous desire and seems so easy for others to get is sometimes more than I can bear.
But I remind myself that life is a test... testing us to the very core. Testing that sometimes emotionally drains everything we have. Then, completely spent, we call on the Lord and watch Him lift us up to a place we didn't know exsisted before. His power is real and He is always listening.
Love you Shannon. Hang in there. Your family will be complete soon and you will look back and know that He really was in control and watching over you. :) I know it's true!
im sorry shannon. Its frustrating. Why things happen I dont know. I am glad you are going to the temple. Sometimes that is the only cure. Its gonna happen, and when baby #3 comes this will all be worth it.
we too will pray for birth parents and you guys. you are loved.
crappy crappy crappy...but totally awesome at the same time! Hope you receive some peace tonight!
You are in my prayers!
Shannon and Derek - We think the world of you both. We admire and appreciate what you have learned. There have been a few times when I would read your blog and walk away with a new outlook, and a better perspective on life. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. We feel for you and hope you felt peace last night at the temple. Take care!
Maybe the birth mom isn't ready yet and she needs you to hold off for a little bit until she's ready.Because we all know you're such great people that you'll be snatched up as soon as the paperwork gets listed/posted/filed/DONE. Sorry so stinky.
I always love thinking back on the amazing ways that Corbin and Cooper came to your family. They were an answer to prayer. Your next baby will also have a special story...we are keeping you guys in our prayers and hope that these bumps in the road smooth out quickly. HANG IN THERE! Love you guys! xo
Waiting for a baby is one of the hardest things in the whole world! There are soooo many emotions involved! I can't imagine the extra frusterations that I know you are going through. I hope this process begins to simplify for you and you find the comfort you are seeking...
You are amazing!!
Shannon..sorry I am just reading this. I feel for you!! I am so sorry and I know how frustrating it is!! Just remember that the Lord is aware and is in control and no matter how unorganized the case workers are there is a higher power who is really in control and as we have both witnessed and seen before will make all things happen in their proper order and time!! I love you Shannon and will keep you and your adorable family in my prayers!!
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